Weekly Onion Horoscope

NOW THIS IS A GOOD ONE!!!!!!!

Capricorn December 22 - January 19
You will simultaneously break two of the Ten Commandments this week when you disrespect your parents by murdering them.

Also, there is a great article entitled: "Hi, I Like To cut Myself". The girl says her favorite movies are Secretary and Girl, Interupted. She also likes to cook, garden and sew (get it? knives, sharp tools and needles?)

Hilarious!