What Else Can You Do?

It's been a pretty good week, and I can't think of any major gripes right now. Money is a little tight, but we're not broke...YET. I am looking forward to this Saturday night, as it is my boyfriend's birthday and we will be having a party for him. The pool is ALMOST ready. We are currently filling it and then I guess the true test is if the skimmer and pumps all work right. Today is the last day of school. Sigh. It's officially summer now.

My mother called me last night to tell me that she would be going to Minnesota this week for a visit. She would be attending not one but two memorial services for her sister in law who took her own life last year. She is obviously not looking forward to it but is determined to get through it. I would love to rant on and on here about how angry I am that she did this to herself and her family, but I won't. I guess I just don't really understand. Hey, I've had some pretty dark days myself but I've never wanted to die. I may have not wanted to live, but I sure as hell didn't want to die. I know this sounds absolutely crazy, but I believe that when you are at that moment when you have to make that choice, are you gonna go through with it or not, there is a demon whispering in your ear. Do it. Do it. Do it. I am so grateful that my life is a million times better now than it was five years ago. I kept on going, kept surviving, and I'm pretty happy. And I thank You God that I never heard that evil hiss.

Speaking of an evil hiss, my ex husband left a message on our phone yesterday asking the kids to call him at yet another new number. I told my boyfriend that it was probably because he sold his last cell phone for crack again. You can get a new pre paid phone for about 50 bucks and this is what I think happened. Again. For the 20th time. The kids tried to call him, but there was no answer. Hmmm... is it because it's been sold again?

Work has been going all right I guess. Not much to report. I'm really tired, and my back, legs and feet hurt. Thank God I have the next two days off to relax. I have also set a weight loss goal of five pounds this week. And this time I mean it. I am going to do it. I am eating soup or salad for lunch, diet pop or water only, a sensible dinner, and minimal snacking. I'll report back here next week on the results.

I'll comment on one more thing that really amused me the other day. I was watching the show Diary of an Affair on the Style Network. The scorned woman, whose husband had cheated on her, paid a visit to the other woman, and she actually said "I couldn't believe how flat-chested she was." I don't know if I should love or hate this woman. I mean, of course that's what we would be THINKING, but would you ever SAY it, let alone on television? Is it total honesty, or is it extreme shallowness? She also said that after she found out about the affair, she lost some weight, dyed her hair blonder, started tanning and then wore a short skirt down to her husband's construction site. Again, it's what we would all do, or we would seriously consider doing, but to actually admit it is unbelievable. I'm going to say that I think she is pretty brave to be that honest, and for that I think I like her.

Movie I watched this week: I saw several good ones. The Ladykillers. Another gem from the Coen brothers. The ending with the cat is absolutely hysterical. Casino. Yeah sure, we've seen a thousand movies with mob guys and all that intrigue, but what sets this story apart is the Sharon Stone character Ginger, who took conning and scamming to new heights and took em all for a ride. But the best one I saw was The Unknown Soldier. A documentary made by a guy whose Dad was killed in Vietnam. So personal and so poignant and painful to watch. Which brings me to...

Hot Topic of the week: The war in Iraq and Memorial Day. I was watching Nightline and Ted Koppel simply read all the names of the soldiers who have been killed over there. It just went on and on. With each face there was a picture. All of them sons, some of them fathers. It just made me nauseous and I had to change the channel after about twenty minutes. I think that's what most people do anyway. Because what else can you do?