Dirtbag(s) Of The Month

I have been wracking my brain this past week trying to come up with the first nominee for the year 2007 and I was having a hard time coming up with anybody interesting. Oh sure, I could name George W. Bush because he is calling for more troops in Iraq. MORE TROOPS. He's the obvious choice because he is that much of a fucking moron. But that's just it: it's too obvious.

Then, I've been hearing about this current trial going on in my area about a woman who left her kids in the car while she went to Kmart to return something, and one of her kids was playing with a lighter and burned the car up with his ten month old baby brother still in it. The kicker to this whole sad story is the last thing she said as she was leaving the parking lot (after her BABY just DIED) "When can I come back to get my money for the refund?" or something like that. But I can't name her because girls are exempt from being named Dirtbag Of The Month. Somebody else out there can create a "Stupid Fucking Psychotic Cunt Of The Month" if they want to, but I'm gonna stick to Dirtbags with Y chromosomes in every single cell of their body.

So who pissed me off this week... It started with a collumn by Ted Casablanca (which by the way, wasn't "Ted Casablanca" a minor character in Valley Of The Dolls? I think so, which makes him a mighty clever little minx!) posted almost every day on E!Online. Here is a pic and what I think is an offensive quote about Ashlee Simpson:



"First up, Ashlee Simpson, tanning her hide in Honolulu (click here to get the full effect). Gotta say, since A.S. got her schnoz done, her attractiveness has dropped (in my opinion), and these pics aren't exactly helping her case.

Now, I'm not suggesting she go all Kate Bosworth on us or anything, but is it bitchy to say I think her bod would benefit from some crunches? She's almost making Jessica seem like the hot Simpson sis again, and that's a tough feat, considering how orange and overstuffed Jess has been looking lately."

Why,yes, Ted, it IS bitchy to say that! He managed to note her recent plastic surgery, that she supposedly isn't as pretty as she used to be, and compares her to her sister saying that Jessica is starting to look better than her again. All in two sentences. In a column that millions of people read every day.

Now, Ted was being almost SWEET in that post compared to Michael K in dlisted.com. Here's what this guy had to say about the same photograph:

"Ashlee Simpson let her lady lumps breathe in Hawaii over the past weekend and although she’s not a lard ass, she looks a little….thick. Ok not thick…she looks a little….chunky. Ok not chunky…she looks a little…wobbly. Ok, she looks gross."

And I can't even FIND the post that Perez Hilton created about this, because I think he removed it from his site. In fact, the full body shot of Ashlee Simpson that these people think is so offensive has been taken down off of eonline and dlisted. I don't know why, but it probably has to do with a nasty letter from a lawyer.

So, the Dirtbag(s) Of The Month are: Bitchy Internet Fags. Oh sure, I've made comments about celebrities on here (like Nicole Kidman will find her husband Keith Urban passed out in a roach infested project apartment in Nashville some day for example) but have I ever made such nasty comments about somebody's weight or what shape their body is in? I feel especially bad for Ashlee because she has admitted publicly that she had an eating disorder in the past. Which I think never really leaves you and the potential for relapse is very high. I personally think that anybody with an eating disorder is nuttier than a fruitcake, BUT the last thing somebody like Ashlee needs is to read just stupid, pointless, ramblings like the ones I mentioned above.

I would like to see Ted, Micheal, and Perez stand on a beach in speedos so we could make moronic comments about what kind of physical shape they're in. I'd let Ashlee have the first crack at it.

I have to admit, I do enjoy seeing those pictures of celebrity cellulite on the cover of The Enquirer. I know it must horrify those starlets to have their asses displayed like that for all to see, but it brings these goddesses back down to earth a bit. And reminds everyone that what you see isn't always what you get with these gals. I've said it here before but I'll say it again: I'm 37 years old. I'm 5'9". I weigh 160 pounds. I've had three kids. I don't work out and I pretty much eat what I want to. I've got stretch marks and cellulite all over the place. I DON'T hate my body. But somebody like Ashlee Simpson with an eating disorder DOES. And these assholes have to say she looks "gross". That her "attractiveness has dropped" and that she could "benefit from a few crunches".

It pains me to write all this because I READ THEIR BLOGS EVERY DAY, and feel entertained by them. I'm a celebrity gossip blog junkie. So, I have to ask myself: How many times have I read something on there that was very mean-spirited, and not gave it a second thought about how the post is about a real person with actual feelings. Perez Hilton actually draws cum stains on people's faces and writes things like "WHORE" on their pictures. Why? Is it really that funny?

So, because of this whole Ashlee brouhaha these bitchy Internet fags (yeah I said "fag", and I don't care if it sounds homophobic or not because number one: I'm not, and number two: they deserve at least some kind of slur for this) are my DIRTBAG(S) FOR THE MONTH OF JANUARY!