Proud To Be From The Midwest

It seemed that when I lived down in Florida, people there just didn't have the same kind of twisted sense of humor that folks I've grown up with have. I felt out of place and my attempts at making a joke often fell flat. The only person I knew who really "got" and understood my sick and hugely self deprecating personality was a pediatric resident that had my son as a patient. He was the angel that God puts in your path when you need one most. My life was the biggest mess you can imagine back then, caring for a terribly frail baby and a drug addicted and bipolar husband. I had something to look forward to (when I knew it was going to be another long and tortured night in the ER or ICU with my fragile child, if he was working) we would share a gross story and a nice laugh and it eased the pain for just a few moments. But I didn't mean to go on about this tonight! And here I am crying as I write this, too. I wanted this post to be about something funny I just came across.

The Onion is published out of Madison Wisconsin and it is the funniest publication and website I have ever seen.This is why I'm proud to be from the midwest. I have started to copy and paste my horoscope from theonion.com every week. This is just one more hilarious thing out of about a thousand that I have come across on this site.

Ask A Man Who's Jowl-Deep In Phyllis Diller's Pussy

By A Man Who's Jowl-Deep In Phyllis Diller's Pussy
September 14, 2005 | Issue 41•37

Dear Man Who's Jowl-Deep In Phyllis Diller's Pussy,

I'm single mother of two in my mid-30s. I'm busy working and raising two teenagers, but I still make time for what I consider very important: family activities. Lately, however, my son and daughter seem to prefer going off by themselves to spending time together. Worse, when I insist on quality time, they resent it... and me. How do I cope with this "generation gap"? I thought you'd understand, because you are jowl-deep in Phyllis Diller's pussy.

—Fed-Up in Frisco
Dear Fed-Up in Frisco,

Mmmph, mmph, mmmmmph... MMPH! (gasp) MMPH! Mm-mmm-rrrrrr-nnnnn-mmmm-rrrumph oompth mmph rrrmmm-nnnn-OOF! (pant, pant!) OOF! Urrrrrgggghhh-gggrrgle oompth-mmph! MMMPH! MMMPTH! Brrr-oooooo-nnnn-yowww-rrrrrummmm-nummm.... Nnnnnph! NNNPH! NNNNNNNNPH! Oh God... MMMMMMMPH! (gasp!) (pant, pant, pant...) (gurgle!) MMMPH!