Weekly Onion Horoscope

Capricorn December 22 - January 19

You will be honored this week in a gala ceremony, during which the award's presenter describes you as the "Lenny Bruce of breakfast cereal manufacturers," claiming that without the "courageous path you helped pave," there could never have been a Cookie Crisp.

All right... This is just weird. It's not lame and it's interesting (considering I was just reading a book about Lenny Bruce about an hour ago, I was coloring my hair "light intense copper red" and had to sit still somewhere for thirty minutes and pulled this book off the shelf to peruse) but it's just plain strange!