4:06 AM

It is now 4:06 AM on a Sunday morning. I am up this early because I have to be at work at 6. I am waiting for my coffee to brew. I didn't sleep AT ALL last nite. Why? Because I'm so filled with anxiety over my job. What I do is this: It is now my responsibility to get all the sale signs ready to be put up on Sunday mornings. There are literally hundreds of them. If it's not done right, people bitch. All I want is for it to be as close to perfect so I worried about it all nite. All I want is to keep this job, and not be "demoted" back to my old one. I use quotation marks because I still make the same pay. But I get all daytime hours now, which pleases me and family to no end. I was told by a supervisor that he is going to see about getting me a raise. He can't promise anything, but he's going to see. My guess is that It Won't Happen, and my feeling is that I Don't Deserve It Anyway because I'm doing a shitty job as it is. But the bottom line is that I shouldn't be this stressed out over a seven dollar an hour job. I just shouldn't.

Best Movie I Saw This Week: Jarhead. I know that Jake Gyllenhall is the lead, and Jamie Foxx is the big movie star, but Peter Skarrsgard is this movie's darling. I guess I was expecting it to be a movie like Saving Private Ryan but from Desert Storm. But everybody in their platoon stayed alive. They had to put up with some shitty things when it got bad there for a few days (like when the oil fields began to burn and it rained oil day and nite) but it wasn't as bad as I thought it might get. This film was more focused on the everyday grind of Marines, specifically ones that are being trained as snipers. The indoctrination. The mind games and the subsequent freak-outs that follow. I thought the Wives And Girlfriends "Wall Of Shame" posted at camp was great. Every time a soldier got a letter saying that he was being cheated on, up went the pictures. I would like to read this book. I want the greater details about everything I just mentioned because this is a true story. There was something enchanting about Peter S as Troy. He was quiet, intelligent and thoughtful, until the moment when he thought he was actually going to kill somebody sniper style and they wouldn't let him do it at the last second and he freaked out and cried like a baby. I kept thinking: Troy, I've seen you naked. You were in a Chicago hotel room getting ready to have sex with Alfred Kinsey.

Best Book I Read This Week: Dry by Augusten Burroughs. I couldn't put this one down. Why? Because it deals with a subject near and dear to me. Drinking. It made me think of how I used to drink before I became a parent and how I drink now. Of course, I drink less now. I couldn't function as a mother or employee if I drank like I did in college. But I still long for complete obliteration sometimes. Good to know from Mr. Burroughs that the feeling never quite goes away. And also good to know that even tho I might drink a bottle of cheap red on my day off, I am not at the point he was when the story began. Perhaps that WOULD have been myself eventually, had I not married the drug addict I did, and became the "almost" responsible parent I am today!

Best Album I Listened To: I listened to the entire "Get Behind Me Satan" CD by The White Stripes while lounging in my hot tub. Fabulous. I needn't say more.

Current Sewing Project: I am working on a Vogue dress. I am halfway thru and I might just have an actual wearable garment this time.

Current News Item: Now they say that George Bush may have actually leaked the Valerie Plame outing to the New York Times and not Scooter Libby. I ALMOST made George Bush my dirtbag of the month, but then that would be less original wouldn't it? Because that's even more of a big DUH than Brian Doyle, the pedophile.

Well, I made it back from work. My self-esteem barely intact, and trust me, it was even worse than I thought it was going to be today, too. So, all that worrying and freaking out all night... was for something worse! However I lived to tell, I am home, and now... I'm going to bed!