Dirtbag Of The Month

Well, I had to do some digging this time to find a candidate that I thought was a good one. First I looked at The Chicago Tribune website and found a couple contenders but they all made me go "nahh...". There was a bit about a 58 year old male teacher who was bangin a 17 year old student. Yeah that's a dirtbag, but that happens all the time. Then there was a story about a contractor bribing an alderman for a project bid. Not salacious enough. Happens every day...especially in Chicago! There was also a thing about three cops who beat the shit outta some guys in a bar. This was caught on video and made it to the national news. But why should these guys be named Dirtbags, when we don't know the whole story. Maybe the guys started some stupid shit with the off-duty cops and well, you know... alcohol and testosterone mixed together and next thing ya know you're on Good Morning America!

The story I picked came from The Nashville Tennesean. It seems that a woman was kidnapped in the parking lot of a Walgreens.

"It was supposed to be a meeting to celebrate a woman's 23rd birthday. Instead, Ambrose Branch, 42, is being sought in connection with the beating and kidnapping of the mother of his 5-month-old child," is how this story begins.

"The police report states that Branch was seen "entering the woman's car through the passenger side door where he punched her repeatedly in the face and choked her before he forcibly removed her from the driver's seat and drove away with the victim still inside the car."

Ok, so this guy forces his way into her car and takes off with her in it. Keep in mind she is his baby-mama. He did let her go after six hours tho. And she immediately called police.

"The suspect has a lengthy arrest history with convictions for assault, unlawful weapons possession and felony cocaine possession, the police report continued."

Yep. A Real choirboy that one. But here's the kicker: "The car Branch drove to the drug store belonged to a woman who had hired him to detail it, according to the police report." So that means that he partially committed a crime with somebody else's car. I say partially because that's not the vehicle that he kidnapped her in, but he did drive a car that wasn't his to the Walgreens. I swear to God! Crackheads are all alike!

It's possible they haven't caught him yet, too. But anyway... Men like this are so fucked up. Seriously. It was his baby's MAMA. Who gives a shit if she did something to betray you! (I don't know that part of the story. The "why" part. She might not of done anything, really. It might have been because she said "Hello" to a guy at the store. Who knows!) She should be with YOUR BABY and not in a car with you, wondering if she's gonna live or die for six hours straight. Why doesn't this occur to them at the time?

And for this stupid ass stunt you pulled, Ambrose Branch, you are my June Dirtbag Of The Month!

P.S. Plus, he did this to her on HER FUCKING BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!