"Accident" Prone Men

Ok, should I talk about my ex-husband's latest folly first, or should I tell you about how my boyfriend was able to come home and deposit a small chunk of his right index finger into my hand?

The ex first, then. Last week I got a letter from a Check Tracing collection agency with an itemized list of over 2000 dollars worth of bad checks he had written last year right before Christmas. It had his name on it, but it was sent to my address. This man has never lived here and we have been divorced for over four years now. We were PISSED. When my boyfriend confronted him about this, my ex husband insinuated that I must have wrote those checks. WTF???????? Why would I DO THAT? My ex husband is a bi-polar crack addict. I KNOW why he did it. God. He's a dirtbag. If I can't find another good candidate for July, then it might just have to be him. In fact, the whole concept of "Dirtbag Of The Month" is dedicated to him. He's the Dirtbag Of Our Lives.

Yesterday, I got another call (again) from my boyfriend telling me to meet him in the Emergency Room. He was trying to get a car off of a trailer and it slipped and sliced the tip of his finger off. When I got there, they were sewing it up. That shit looked NASTY! But the really gross (and funny) part was he went back later and found the chunk of finger and brought it home. He walked in the door and said "Here, I got something for ya..." Me, the unsuspecting idiot held out her hand.

Well, it's a fabulous day today, the temp is 80 degrees, I already have my bottle of Sutter Home Sauvignon Blanc cracked open, I have half of an 88 cent Totino's pizza waiting for me on the stove for lunch, the Ipod is charged and ready for an afternoon of tunes while kickin' it poolside and I'm OUTTA HERE!