Dirtbag Of The Month

In my new job, I now have ample opportunity to talk to my fellow co-workers while working side by side with them, as opposed to my old position where I was a one woman show, working alone and on a deadline. Whether I really like this new job, well, the jury is still out on that one but I need about a YEAR to get it all figured out and feel really confident and comfortable. However, this post is not about new job angst.
It's about a story one of my favorite of all time coworkers told me the other day.

She has a friend who is a nurse in a big city about 3 hours away from here. The nurse said that an old lady came in to the ER with complaints of a sore throat. They did a culture, it came back negative for strep, so they tested it again and found that it came back positive for...GONORHEA. Now this story could have ended right there with few giggles. Like gee, Grandma, I thought the desire for the taste of cock goes away after your seventies but I guessed WRONG! But that's not the case. She denied any freaky felatious activities (damn!) so the hospital asked her if she had eaten anything unusual lately. She did say that she had eaten at the Olive Garden recently, and just happened to have some leftovers. They tested those, and get ready for this: the alfredo(ha) came back with not one but THREE different semen samples on it, with one testing positive for gonorhea. So THREE asshole cooks jacked off in her food. Why? Because the lady had the NERVE to send the food back because it was cold. I mean who wants to eat cold alfredo? It's greasy and globby that way. It would have taken a few seconds to heat it up in the microwave. Yeah I know from working in retail that we hate whiny complaining customers and would like to take them to the back room and crush their heads in the baler (Shit! Did I just say that? I didn't know I could be so violent and macabre!) but nobody does that, you just deal with that stupid bitch and say "NEXT". I don't care how much of a batty old biddy she was, she didn't deserve to get gonorhea in her damn throat!

The Health Department shut down the restruant for a few days and the offenders were caught and fired. I know I'll never think of the Olive Garden in quite the same way ever again. Thank God I've always liked their red sauce better! I have no idea who these nasty ass fucking freaks were (Did they all stand around in a circle and do it at the same time? If so, that's kinda gay don'tcha think?) so I can't give out any names but for this act of extreme unprofessionalism and grossness, those three cooks at Olive Garden are my Dirtbag(s) Of The Month!