Thank God For Small Miracles

Ok, this won't take long but I have to talk about this for just a sec. This is my journal so what happened last night has to be recorded in some sort of fashion. Let's just say it was something I didn't think would ever happen in the last twenty years I've been doing it, but IT DID. I am so very very happy and relieved. That's all I'm going to say, because I know what I'm talking about.

Also, the diet is going good. I am down to 154. Four more pounds to go before I can buy myself a two piece. Yay! That was my goal. 150 and to squeeze into my size tens. I think I can do it. No, I know I can!

Sofie says "Come on over, the water's great!" 

I am such the perfect mother!

This kid at work said something really funny today. We were talking about his older sister, who I happen to know because I used to work with HER at another place. He said "Yeah, she's really weird. When she was in high school she hung out with a group of friends that were completely anti-social with everybody else. They were the kind of kids that thought that running through the halls and screaming maniacaly was really cool."

Ah work... I bitch about it all the time here, and I had a busy, tiring, and stressfull day and felt like tearing my hair out at times until I realized that it wasn't worth it to feel that way over a job that pays 6.25 an hour. And then I relaxed and the day went by much more smoothly.

So now I am home, nursing a warm beer, and hoping that the Hamburger Helper I have on the stove will turn out edible. It calls for one and a third cups of milk, and I only had half that much milk left. It looks awfully thin and watery as it simmers. But I am so broke right now that's all I had to fix tonight. Oh, we aren't starving or out of food, that's just the only meat I had thawed and can't go to the store again until payday! Otherwise I would have went and bought some more milk...

I can only think of one other thing I should write about. Yes, it was my turn to be the complete drunken asshole last week. I feel absolutely horrible that I said all the things I did to him. I had somehow convinced myself that he didn't "want" me anymore and then berated him for it. It was the combination of cheap Aldi red wine and PMS and I wish I could take it all back. But I think we will survive and are getting along good now. And I realize that I was COMPLETELY out of my FUCKING MIND.

Best Album I Heard This Week: Get Behind Me Satan by The White Stripes. I love this record. My favorite song is The Nurse.

Best Movie I Saw This Week: We watched The Ladykillers again for like the fourth time, and I will never get tired of it. Ever. I watched the Howlin' Wolf Story. And then downloaded Smoke Stack Lightning.

Hot Topic of The Day: Well, since I last wrote, Michael Jackson was aquitted. Just like I thought he would be, and just like he shouldn't have been. I know that family was pimping out their child to him and they should be ashamed. Also I was thinking about this today as I was putting up cases of Ice Mountain spring Water: Mary-Kate Olson. Millions of little girls everywhere idolize her. Little girls who are way too young to be envisioning their heroine having to be carried out to the car after partying backstage with Oasis. I could actually envision MYSELF doing this, but not that sweet faced little scamp who's clothes I can buy for my 9 year old at Wal-Mart. And the hints and allegations of eating disorders and cocaine use. I know. It's not unusual for girls her age to be dabbling in self-destruction, but I hope the impact of all this on her young impressionible fans is not too severe and somebody bitch-slaps some sense into her! There, the mommy in me has spoken, and I can now properly serve my family their watered down cheese gruel!

Mommy, can I be her when I grow up? 

How do you go from Booger to... 

Ahmet Ertegun? 

Party Time!

We had a GREAT time on Saturday night! I haven't thrown a party in years, and everybody I invited except for one family came. We had hamburgers and hotdogs and Miller Lites and strawberry margaritas, and I got a little tipsy (enough that I was feeling a little shaky yesterday at work, and enough to realize that I am getting too old for that kind of drinking) but what the hell, I had fun dammit! And today I have the day off, I plan to go for a hike this morning, and hopefully I will get so hot I'll just have to get in my still very cold pool.

Things have been going pretty well for the last few weeks in general. I remember thinking a long time ago that if we could just get past the work conflict, then I think we might just have a chance of making it. When I say "we" I don't mean me, I mean me and him. I have posted several times here about all the drama I have suffered in the past and how he doesn't like me to work late and how he calls all the time and embarrases me. Well, it's actually getting better! And I would never have believed it. I thought you couldn't teach an old dog any new tricks. He hasn't called me in a long time at work. Could it be that he finally listened? Whatever. I am very very happy about it, and hope it continues to be a positive trend.

I know I said that I would continue to track my diet progress here. I'm still doing good. Down to 158. That's seven pounds since I started two weeks ago. I'll do it this time. I found a system that works. Breakfast only if I'm hungry. Soup or salad for lunch and a nice dinner but a modest portion. Snacking between meals? Nope. And how did I curb this terrible habit? Simple. I didn't buy very much junk food this time at the store. I get so tired of my boyfriend griping at me because the kids ate all the chips, fruit snacks and cookies, so this week I just didn't buy very much of that stuff.

Hot topic: A group of National Guard soldiers are returning home to Davenport today. They have been gone for thirteen months in Afghanistan. Now I'm sure that there are things of more significance that happened yesterday, but this is the one sixty second newsbite that caught my attention. Also on the cover of The Enquirer the headline screams that Carrie Underwood had affairs with Anthony and Bo. I totally believe it. I'd have banged Bo too. Not that I think he's particularly hot, but I just get this feeling that if I was in such close quarters with him, stuff would have happened. And Birthday Boy, I know you're reading this, so keep in mind that this is only a hypothetical comment. I am too old to be an American Idol, and of course if I was with you, NOTHING would have happened because my heart belongs to you, darling.

Last Great Book: I finally finished the Mr. S book. I will probably be getting the new issue of Playboy and Vanity Fair sometime this week and of course I will be reading those cover to cover.

Best Movie: Ray. I thought this was excellent. Jamie Foxx really did deserve the Best Actor Oscar. He was so good, I forgot it was Jamie and it really seemed as if it were Ray himself in that movie. The actor who played Ahmet Ertegun was great too. I can't remember his name... ooh wait a sec, I have IMDB bookmarked... hang on... Curtis Armstrong! He played Booger in Revenge Of The Nerds! Somehow I can't believe that record company executives are that sincere and compassionate, but Curtis Armstrong made Mr. Ertegun seem so.

Great Album: I didn't listen to any album this week. I am currently going through a phase where I just like to make my own mix CD's of all the tens of thousands of songs I know and love. Of course I had to make a bunch for the party. The standouts: The Rain Song by Led Zeppelin and The Hardest Button To Button by the White Stripes.

What Else Can You Do?

It's been a pretty good week, and I can't think of any major gripes right now. Money is a little tight, but we're not broke...YET. I am looking forward to this Saturday night, as it is my boyfriend's birthday and we will be having a party for him. The pool is ALMOST ready. We are currently filling it and then I guess the true test is if the skimmer and pumps all work right. Today is the last day of school. Sigh. It's officially summer now.

My mother called me last night to tell me that she would be going to Minnesota this week for a visit. She would be attending not one but two memorial services for her sister in law who took her own life last year. She is obviously not looking forward to it but is determined to get through it. I would love to rant on and on here about how angry I am that she did this to herself and her family, but I won't. I guess I just don't really understand. Hey, I've had some pretty dark days myself but I've never wanted to die. I may have not wanted to live, but I sure as hell didn't want to die. I know this sounds absolutely crazy, but I believe that when you are at that moment when you have to make that choice, are you gonna go through with it or not, there is a demon whispering in your ear. Do it. Do it. Do it. I am so grateful that my life is a million times better now than it was five years ago. I kept on going, kept surviving, and I'm pretty happy. And I thank You God that I never heard that evil hiss.

Speaking of an evil hiss, my ex husband left a message on our phone yesterday asking the kids to call him at yet another new number. I told my boyfriend that it was probably because he sold his last cell phone for crack again. You can get a new pre paid phone for about 50 bucks and this is what I think happened. Again. For the 20th time. The kids tried to call him, but there was no answer. Hmmm... is it because it's been sold again?

Work has been going all right I guess. Not much to report. I'm really tired, and my back, legs and feet hurt. Thank God I have the next two days off to relax. I have also set a weight loss goal of five pounds this week. And this time I mean it. I am going to do it. I am eating soup or salad for lunch, diet pop or water only, a sensible dinner, and minimal snacking. I'll report back here next week on the results.

I'll comment on one more thing that really amused me the other day. I was watching the show Diary of an Affair on the Style Network. The scorned woman, whose husband had cheated on her, paid a visit to the other woman, and she actually said "I couldn't believe how flat-chested she was." I don't know if I should love or hate this woman. I mean, of course that's what we would be THINKING, but would you ever SAY it, let alone on television? Is it total honesty, or is it extreme shallowness? She also said that after she found out about the affair, she lost some weight, dyed her hair blonder, started tanning and then wore a short skirt down to her husband's construction site. Again, it's what we would all do, or we would seriously consider doing, but to actually admit it is unbelievable. I'm going to say that I think she is pretty brave to be that honest, and for that I think I like her.

Movie I watched this week: I saw several good ones. The Ladykillers. Another gem from the Coen brothers. The ending with the cat is absolutely hysterical. Casino. Yeah sure, we've seen a thousand movies with mob guys and all that intrigue, but what sets this story apart is the Sharon Stone character Ginger, who took conning and scamming to new heights and took em all for a ride. But the best one I saw was The Unknown Soldier. A documentary made by a guy whose Dad was killed in Vietnam. So personal and so poignant and painful to watch. Which brings me to...

Hot Topic of the week: The war in Iraq and Memorial Day. I was watching Nightline and Ted Koppel simply read all the names of the soldiers who have been killed over there. It just went on and on. With each face there was a picture. All of them sons, some of them fathers. It just made me nauseous and I had to change the channel after about twenty minutes. I think that's what most people do anyway. Because what else can you do?