The Best Internet Headline I've Seen Today

This is from Defamer. Ms. Smith goes to Washington today.

ANNA NICOLE FIGHTS FOR HER HALF-BILLION DOLLAR GEEZER-LOVING SALARY

Here's One More Weird Picture For Today

Manolo of Manolo's Shoe Blog calls this guy "Pixie-Goth-Lawn-Boy". Priceless!

Should've Known Better Than To Cheat...YOURSELF

Ok, yeah I know that's a lame title, but it sure beats all the "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" shit we're gonna see in the media. George Michael was found in his car passed out and cops found pot and GHB in his car. Oh! IS THAT ALL? I mean, this isn't cool by any means, but still! Isn't he like pushing fifty or something? Shouldn't there be a time in your life when you are officially too damn old for that shit? I'm 36, and I know for sure that I AM. I'm also personally relieved that it was only pot and GHB and not coke or heroin because if it was, then I'd have to be completely disgusted with one of my idols and we can't have that. I'm also really glad that he's all right too. I've never done GHB (and while I'd be tempted to try it, I'd have to refuse because "I'm officially too damn old for that shit") but I hear if you drink with it, it can kill you. Ah sigh... Thank God that you're never "oficially too damn old" for a nice glass of Pinot Noir! Which, by the way the other day, I thought I'd splurge a little and buy a twelve dollar bottle, and I thought it tasted WORSE than the four dollar Sutter Home. Mistakes. That's how we learn... Right George?

Weekly Onion Horoscope

Capricorn December 22 - January 19
You've long known the guys at NASA have a tendency to pull pranks, but you'll still agree to check on a supposedly broken wind tunnel next week.

As usual my horoscope is lame. But the Virgo one is outstanding. Here it is.

Virgo August 23 - September 22
You will succeed beyond your wildest expectations this week, when you win a pie-eating contest and then, minutes later, take first place in a pie-vomiting contest.

This Is Just Completely Weird And Really Funny

Isn't this gross and bizarre? Thank You Perez Hilton for this funny picture today.

I will secretly admit I watch The View. At least two or three times a week. The only person I like on there is Meredith. Star and Joy are bitchy and catty beyond belief sometimes and if Elizabeth didn't have that job, she'd be a soccer mom living in some cookie-cutter yuppieville suburb, driving a Suburban (although I would love a car like that) talking about scrap-booking parties and why she voted for Bush (because DUH, he's a born-again Christian!!!!!!!!). Barbara floats above everyone else in the very rarified world of Park Avenue dinner parties with ex-presidents and billionaires.

Meredith's life is the most like I'd like to have. She's married to a writer. She's got kids, and an old house they just spent a whole year renovating. That must be why I like her. I have kids. I have an old house that really NEEDS RENOVATING. My boyfriend isn't a writer (or a reader or a speller) but that's all right. He doesn't want or need the Elizabeth yuppieville life-style either, and that's just one more compelling reason to love him and know that he's the MAN FOR ME.

We Went To Chicago And IT WAS FABULOUS

Ah Sigh... I had a wonderful weekend. Just me and my man this time. No kids. It was us at The Hyatt for a nite. And jeeze what fancy shmancy place! We spent about 160 dollars just on dinner for two. I mean, the food was really good and all, but we could have ate a steak just as good right here in this area for about half that amount. I guess I'm just so used to being broke and poor that 160 dollars is a lot of money for ANYTHING (Case in point: my car cost me 400 dollars. I've had it for almost three years, it has over 180,000 miles on it and it still runs good. It's a 1991 Chevy Lumina Van. I highly recommend this vehicle.) I mean, I could buy groceries for two whole weeks (Aldi's is the Midwest's best kept secret. You can still get a whole chicken there for under 4 dollars) to feed a family of four for 160 dollars. But that nite I just had to shrug my shoulders and say "Oh well, I guess you only live once and it's not like we get to do this every day." Another thing that I thought as we were eating there, was "We're wearing clothes I got at Target." Both of us looked great, but our outfits cost less than the food... COMBINED! Could they tell? Did they care? Ah... Probably not. Here's another first for me: I've never tipped a waitress 20 dollars before.

We went to The Millenium Park, which was where I wanted to go so badly. It was beautiful, but it was very cold and cloudy and windy. I bet it's wonderful in the summer. I had a very special moment with my man there that day. We were just about to approach the specially designed overpass walkway created by Frank Gehry, and I said to him "I love you. So much." I say this every day as it is, but this time his response was "Really? Because sometimes I can't tell if you do. You get in these bad moods and you get so mean." And that just stopped me in my tracks completely. He was totally right to say that. So then I got to say that I was sorry, and that the bottom line was that having him in my life just made it so much easier to handle. That I finally knew what it was like to have someone help me co-parent these kids, and that there is no one else, and boy do I mean NO ONE else, that loves me as deeply and as passionately as he does. I've found true love before with a few others, but nobody has ever adored me quite like him. So there you have it. Every time I get shitty with him I need to remind myself of this basic fact.

Oh, and The Art Institute was divine too. Our personal faves? The African Tribal Art. Hands down. It was thousands of years old and the aesthetic itself came from a very pure place in their souls. Very unlike say Matisse trying to compete with Picasso.

Best Movie I Saw This Week: Kinsey. I've seen it before, and I've wrote about it before, and I have a great admiration for the work he accomplished, and it's the best movie I saw this week.

Book I am Reading This Week: Vanith Fair's Hollywood Issue. I's a controversial one because of all the titties you see. Oh whatever! Jeez.

Best Album I Listened To This week: I have downloaded a few choice cuts from Robert Randolph. I LOVE THIS BAND!!!! He is just the WICKEDEST steel guitar player I've ever heard. We're Going In The Right Direction... indeed! Oh and I almost forgot to mention this. We saw NINE INCH NAILS IN CONCERT SUNDAY! I really loved this show and I didn't think I would, but I did.

Current Sewing Project: This week I have continued to focus on the cross stitch thing I started about six months ago. I'm tired of working on it, and I just want it to be done.

Top News Story: We just heard that a body was indeed found in the rubble of that downtown fire I mentioned in the last post. I'ts probably that kid who went missing the nite of the fire. But the question remains Why? Was it an accident? Or was it still something more sinister at work? I hope we find out. Also, Vice President DICK Cheney accidentally shot his buddy in the face this weekend when they were out hunting. The press is upset because they didn't get the info fast enough. His office was too slow in their response. But come on! Look who they're dealing with. We aren't going to get the whole story. They do fancy double talk the best. Whether it's this current story, or even the dubious "I did not have sexual relations with that woman."

FIRE....Got Me Burnin' Got Me Burnin'

Yesterday, I went into a furniture store downtown with my boyfriend. The store had the most amazing photographs lining the walls. They were of our downtown area 40 years ago. Seeing them all, it took me back to my early childhood, the stores, the restaruants, theaters and banks. It was such a thriving district then, and now it really isn't. Last week, there was a terrible fire that destroyed a building which once housed a fine department store. I vaguely remember shopping there as a very young child. It's been empty for almost thirty years (Jesus now I feel old!) but since it burnt down, that block has been closed down and probably will be for a long time. There is a lot to clean up. The cause of the fire is still a mystery, as well as a young man's dissapearance, who was last seen standing outside of the pool hall directly across the street just thirteen minutes before the first 911 call went out for the fire. I suspect foul play. I think he saw something he shouldn't have seen, such as an arsonist, and that's why he's nowhere to be found now. I HOPE that I am wrong, but it chills me to the bone to think that there is someone around here who would commit such an act. I prefer to think that I live in a town full of nothing but "good people". This kid's family has contacted America's Most Wanted, and I hope that this show can provide them with answers.

Last night we went to visit my son in the Nursing Home. He seemed like he was in a good mood. He was very alert and responsive and when I see him like that it makes me feel so much better. It's sad to see his two roomates, they aren't alert and responsive, and it reminds me of how grateful I need to be that I have a child that can at least reciprocate the affection and attention that I give him.

Best Movie I Saw This Week: The Aristocrats. I was actually bit dissapointed with this film. The premise is simple. It's a bunch of comedians that tell their own personal version of a filthy joke that's been around for years. What I didn't like was the jumpiness of the editing. It was a few comments by George Carlin, cut to a small bit by Drew Carey, then it's a few seconds with John Stewart (my own personal hero, I love John Stewart!)then cut back to George Carlin again. I think it would have been a more cohesive unit had they shown each comedian telling the joke in their own way, punchline included ("So... what do you call yourselves?" "THE ARISTOCRATS!"). But what do I know? I don't make movies!

Best Album I Listened To This Week: I didn't listen to any album per se, but I probably got the most enjoyment out of the thirty or so George Michael songs I downloaded into my Ipod. The gem? Kissing A Fool. That's my pick. The hidden gem that I hadn't heard before? His version of Roxanne.

Best Book I Read This Week: I haven't read any books this week. I did finish (finally) the latest issue of Vanity Fair. The last article seemed pretty interesting. It was about a new movie made by the makers of the Matrix called V Is For Vendetta. It's supposedly an anti-war subversive film. Cool. I'll be seeing it, and that's not usually the type of movie I go for.

Top News Story: See the first paragraph for what's been happening locally. But nationally, Bob Woodruff and his cameraman were seriously injured in Iraq this week by a roadside bomb. Poor guy. He just got the nightly news anchor job with ABC replacing Peter Jennings just a few months ago. The job of a lifetime. Now this. If he can recover well enough to go back to it, it will be a great triumph and ABC will see their ratings skyrocket for sure that day!

I have decided to add one more new feature to my journal entries. It's called Current Sewing Project. I got a fabulous new sewing machine for my birthday and I have been having a lot of fun. This week I am working on my first quilt. I got to go. I think my boyfriend's chomping at the bit to get on Ebay!