Sucks To Be Her Right Now!

I Hate It When This Happens, Don't You?





This Too!

If You Can't Own It, Don't Do It!

Oh man I have lots to talk about! But first let me say that I GOT A PROMOTION AT WORK! It's a dollar more an hour (yippee) and it's more hours and it puts me in a position to go further in the store, plus it's Monday thru Friday, all daytime, and isn't that great? My hard work has finally paid off and I couldn't be happier!

You know what? I know I should talk about how my daughter got suspended from school for instigating a fight because that's the big drama that occured around here this week, but I don't wanna go there. Let's just suffice it to say that it happened, I'm pissed, but thank God the school years practically over. My youngest son, for whom I was lamenting over in the last post about having to go to the doctor and be put on medication for possible ADD, has begun taking Ritalin (a low dose) and his teacher thinks she sees an improvement! So I guess this wasn't so bad after all. Me, I don't see anything. I never did. But if the teacher thinks he's better then... maybe it's worth it.

I wanna talk about a dream I had the other nite. It's kinda funny (now) and disgusting and very telling about my own psyche. Now before I continue on I must say: Boyfriend, if you're reading this, I'm sorry. You ain't gonna like this part. But here goes: I was being seduced by another man. It's not a man I feel any attraction to or have had any kind of fantasies about so please don't worry about that and start accusing me of things I haven't done nor will I ever. The seduction was going along perfectly. I was ready to jump into his bed. I unzipped his pants and found something absolutely grizzly and macabre. His dick was mangled. He confessed to me that he had mutilated it himself. Then he grabbed some twine and began to tie up his balls and then they began to turn purple from lack of circulation. (Jeez! I can't believe I'm writing this, this is so gross!) I was mortified! But here's the really scary and telling part: I was prepared to fuck him anyway! I actually tried to! But I couldn't make it work, so I gave up and then I woke up. Why on Earth would I even try to continue? I think that what this means is that I'll put up with a lot. I'll tolerate shit from the man in my life that I shouldn't. Story of my marriage. And it's kinda the story of what's going on right now.

And what might that be? You see, while everything is rosy concerning my job, my boyfriend doesn't have one. We're both flat broke. He can't even drive his car right now because he let the insurance expire. I'm pissed. This isn't part of the deal, man! I pitched a fucking fit the other day about it, and he did sell a few things on Ebay, but it's like a band aid on a big gaping wound. I could go on and on about how mad I am that he quit working, but I know I'm right to feel the way I do.

Yep that was weird, wasn't it? But I had to talk about it. I just had to!

Best Movie I Saw: On The Waterfront. There's a reason why some old movies are still talked about today. It's because they're that GOOD. I think that this film would be just as relevant today as it was back then. It's a classic good vs. evil story and good triumphs in the end even against insurmountable odds. And it helped that it starred a very young and hot Marlon Brando. The score written by Leonard Bernstein jangles your nerves too. But that's ok. It's classic noir at it's best!

Best Song I Heard: We've Got A Big Mess On Our Hands by The Academy Is. We saw them LIVE last week as the opening act for Fall Out Boy(!). Yes, we took the kids to a concert and the funny part was that we didn't tell them. It was a surprise. I have no idea how we managed to pull this off but we did. My son loved all of it. My daughter... well, remember how in the beginning of this post I did mention that I could "go there" and talk about what happened but I don't want to because I'm in too good a mood right now? Yeah. It's like that about the concert too. I wasn't too pleased with her that nite either. That's all I'm gonna say.

Book I'm Reading: The Devil In The White City by Erik Larson. I've read this before and I loved it then. But what made me pick it up again was the fact that my Grandma is reading it right now too. It's about the 1893 World's Fair in Chicago and a parallel crime story about a serial killer who was operating at the same time.

Top News Story: A bird shit on George W. Bush while he was giving a speech. Ha. The Iraq war still looms and today is Memorial Day. Lindsay Lohan got a DUI and the cops found cocaine in her car. Here's my problem with her: She denies in every interview that she parties every nite. Yet, photographers catch her out there every time. If it was me, I'd tell reporters that yeah, I like to go out and have fun and if that involves alcohol and drugs so be it. Don't be such a liar! If you can't own it, don't do it! Rosie O'Donnell quit her job at The View because of a fight she had with Elizabeth. Yeah I know it got nasty and they have been quibbling over this for months but I think she should have been a trouper and stayed until her time was up which I think was for another month. If it was me, I would have made an agreement with Elizabeth that for the remainder of my time there we just wouldn't talk about Iraq anymore. But what do I know? There seems to be an article in The Enquirer every week about how toxic things are backstage at The View. That Rosie shouldn't have quit early over this is just my opinion. There's something to be said for holding your head high and keeping your dignity. There's plenty of folks who are on Rosie's side, myself included!

Well, time to go for now. We're going to the nursing home where my grandparents live today to celebrate Memorial Day. Should be nice!

Stupid Sea Donkeys!

Jeez! Talk about Whoring Sea Donkeys! It has been reported that Paris Hilton is going to jail today for 45 days for driving on a suspended license. Her license was suspended for an earlier DUI conviction. She blamed her publicist and then fired him for not telling her that she wasn't supposed to drive. I think it's more like Stupid Sea Donkeys now! She's just pissed that her lawyer couldn't get her out of trouble. I mean, if this happened to me I know where I'd be headed. And it wouldn't be out to the hottest niteclub in Hollywood, that's for sure. I can see why she thinks she's being targeted unfairly, but when the judge can see in every tabloid and magazine and blog a fresh new picture of her out partying somewhere it can't look good from his or hers perspective. That to me would say that she's still out drinkin and willing to drive on a suspended license and needs to stop it.

Next week I have to take my ten year old son to the doctor because his teacher thinks he has ADHD. Fun, huh? I don't think he has that. I think he suffers from anxiety and depression. My way of treating this is to be tough on him. Like this morning he was crying because the pair of pants he wanted to wear today were clean. "Get upstairs now and put something else on and quit CRYING!", I yelled. I did this because this is what I have to do to myself when I feel low. You know, like be my own drill sergeant. Today is a good example. I made the decision that I am not taking a nap today and I am not drinking anything either. I can do that tommorrow if I'd like because I have to go to work early so a nap is ok then, but there's no reason for it today. I don't need a drink, even if it's just a couple or even one cocktail later. Why? What for anyway? Drinking, even if it's not to excess, everyday is a bad habit. I know this and today I'm not doing it. I have always had an anti-medication stance when it comes to myself and I have found other methods of pulling myself up by my own bootstraps. One of those is not crying over stupid shit! Also realizing how grateful I should be for what I do have and not what I don't have and realizing that I have the power to change my own circumstances if I'm that unhappy.

But as a kid, I was powerless. There wasn't a godamn thing I could do about the unhappy shit involving my parents. But they didn't coddle me either. At least I have them to thank for my stoicism. So, here's my plan for my son: Yeah, if they want him to take meds, that's fine whether it's for ADHD or depression. I'm going to also spend more time talking with him one on one and tell him about how I understand exactly what he's feeling, but that I won't tolerate throwing a fit over dumb crap either. I will also need to put my listening hat on and keep my mind open and really try to come up with some solutions to the problems he's having.

Best Movie I Saw: The Departed. Oh man was this a GREAT MOVIE! You know I had heard somebody say that it wasn't Martin Scorcese's best film (That's Goodfellas, in my opinion) but it did deserve the Best Film Academy Award, and I have to say I agree!
I had me on the edge of my seat (more like on the edge of my bed) the whole time and it was perfectly cast and acted as well as written. When Hollywood needs to cast the devil incarnate Jack Nicholson must be at the top of that list. Matt Damon, perfect as the crooked but straight as an arrow acting and looking cop. But Leonardo Di Caprio! I know that lots of ladies swooned over him in Titanic but in this role he made my heart go pitty pat! Everyone just STELLAR in every sense of the word!

Best Song I Heard: Ruby Ruby by the Kaiser Chiefs. This is the second time this band has made it onto this section of my journal. It's one of those poppy catchy tunes that you don't necesarrily hear on the Top 40 radio but seem to hear everywhere else because it's got indie street cred, ya know?

Book I'm Reading: Paddy Whacked: The Untold Story of the Irish American Gangster by T.J. English. This is a good book. But it's long and I've been at it for a couple weeks now. But after I put this down yesterday and decided I wanted to watch a movie, I picked The Departed because it deals with the same subject matter I'm reading about now, so thanks T.J.!

Top News Story: Tornados in Kansas. A whole town destroyed. Scary. It could happen here just as easily. But what I liked was the family they interviewed on Good Morning America today. They made it a point to say how grateful they were that nobody in their family was hurt, and that it was just their things that were destroyed and that it can all replaced eventually. Also a couple weeks ago there was a mass murder at Virginia Tech, some dirtbag went in and shot thirty people on campus then killed himself. Why can't you just kill your fuckin self, dude and leave everybody else alone? It's because they want to be famous in death or something, I dunno. Which is even stupider!

Sigh. I need some help in the next few weeks. Some words of wisdom from somebody who has gone thru this stuff with their kid. And it's not my mother by the way. Even if she had something worthwhile to contribute to the conversation I wouldn't listen to her because I don't think she handled my adolescent angst very well. I mean look at me! I'm admitting that I've been drinking everyday for the last few weeks and I actually have to make a conscious decision that I'm not going to drink anything TODAY. So that means that I still don't have a good handle on any angst that I may be feeling. Yet I have to somehow teach my kid to cope with his. I wasn't given the right tools as a kid and now I gotta somehow get it right with him.

I will though. I'm committed to it. I am. Whatever it takes...