Dirtbag Of The Month

There are, of course a couple of obvious ones I could have chosen, such as Kevin Federline, Michael Richards or O.J. Simpson, but I have decided to go off the beaten path a bit and go with someone more local. December's Dirtbag Of The Month is Illinois House Speaker Michael Madigan.

Hell, he might not be a real bad guy, he is a Democrat after all, but he is a Dirtbag in my opinion because of his silence this week on the fact that the Illinois state house has already voted in favor of raising the minimum wage to 7.50 and hour. He wouldn't answer any questions about this proposed wage increase, and can keep this law from going into effect if he wants to.

I know I've stated this before, but do these fuckers have any clue what it's like to try to keep a roof over a family's head on a minimum wage salary? The House didn't pass a bill wanting to increase the amount they give to Welfare Skanks, they wanted a wage increase for WORKING PEOPLE. The thought of getting an automatic raise right now and it's not even my annual review time really excites me.

So my problem with this Mr. Madigan is this: Ok fine, if you are not in favor of this bill, you can be that way, but have the BALLS to defend your position. Tell me why. I'll listen. I won't agree with you as I work my ASS off day after day for shitty pay for a giant behemoth retail company but I'll hear what you have to say. And be envious that you don't work at Target and probably nobody in your family does either.

Aw, who am I kidding? 7.50 an hour doesn't go very far anyway. But I would like to think that I still live in a Progressive Blue State and that one of the most powerfull Democrats (especially) is thinking about people like me. Single mothers who are just trying to get by, day after day.

If I got a 21 cent raise it would mean a monthly increase of approximately 34 dollars a month for me. That's it. So why is that such a big deal for everybody?

Mike Madigan you need to represent your people. When you represent your own interests after you have committed yourself to a life of public service... That makes you MY DIRTBAG FOR THE MONTH OF DECEMBER!

I'm Thankful For My Ipod And That I Don't Have An Elephant On My Porch

There is a minor bit of drama afoot in my life this week. I'm a little miffed at my mother. We will not be attending Thanksgiving dinner at her house today. Why? Because she doesn't have room for us. Well, I should re-phrase this. She technically does, but if the four of us were to come for dinner, then she would have to seat us on the porch. And to seat us on the porch, she would have to clean the porch. It's so full of my step-dad's useless stupid SHIT, that to clean it out would be a major project. Over time the problem does not get better, it only gets worse because they run out of space to put the crap, so porches and attics and hallways and corners develop mounds and piles. She was hoping to just keep the curtains closed and the door shut so nobody else in the family would ever have to see it because she is so embarrassed.

That's fine. I can understand this. But the fact that she has put up with this freak for 25 years is what bothers me. It's easier for her to tell her daughter and grandchildren not to come for dinner than deal with the proverbial elephant in the room. Or should I say elephant on the porch. She feels like there is nothing she can do. Well, Yes She Can. She can do lots of things. But she actually told me that she would like her children to intervene instead of herself.(!) Here's my intervention: A Ryder Truck. As many people as I can find to clear out the crap and take it to the dump. If I took it all to the Goodwill, or tried to sell it on Ebay (which would take years to do. YEARS.) then I would be contributing to somebody else's problem. Like a good crack dealer, who doesn't sample the product, they're just doing it because selling crack makes good business sense. But this doesn't make it right. It's REPREHENSIBLE. I'm only speaking about the Ryder Truck idea because it's wishful thinking. Sigh.

So, we're going to my boyfriend's grandmas's house for dinner. Thank God she had room, eh?

Book I'm Reading This Week: Fargo Rock City by Chuck Klosterman. This is a FANTASTIC book. I was hoping it was a memoir about his childhood in a rural community in South Dakota and his love of metal music. It is, kinda but it's more a discourse and history of 80's hair metal. It's a long opinion piece about these bands and their wayward stars. Reading about all this is of course taking me back to childhood, but in a good way. It's making me remember the fun stuff in high school and college, and not the bad, depressing shit. Perhaps the most fascinating portion of the book was when he talked about his drinking habits. Specifically how that relates to his love of metal. And I never thought of it that way, but he has a point. I think there is a direct correlation. When you're sixteen and out partying, what's funner, drinking to George Michael or The Cure or drinking to Van Halen or Motley Crue? He is unabashedly unapologetic about his alcohol consumption, even to this day. I'm still a big drinker. How did it start for me? Well, I hung out with kids who listened to metal and drank a lot. I've written about this before on here, but I feel like apologizing for it, even tho I have no intention of stopping because I love it so much. Klosterman doesn't do that. And unfortunatly, that makes me love him even more. It probably has something to do with the fact that he is from a small rural area in the midwest too!

Best Movie I Saw: Borat. We had no kids last Saturday and we went to the movies. Well, first we went out to eat and we had a few drinks. Then we laughed our asses off at this movie. The whole time I was wondering what was real and what was staged. After reading an article on salon.com I learned that most of it was real. And surprisingly, some of the unsuspecting victims of Sacsha Baron Cohen's pranks weren't all that offended and thought the end result was even funny. But some of them are suing too. They're the ones who don't have a sense of humor. Like the frat boys on the RV. They were drunk and they were acting just like a group of drunken frat boys act and Borat showed their asses to the world, so they are suing. I hope they don't win this lawsuit. They knew they were being filmed, and they were stupid enough to act like that on camera, even if they didn't have a clue where the finished product would end up. I have no sympathy whatsoever. If Borat approached me, I would play along. Definetly.

Current Sewing Project: My ugly pants didn't even garner one stinkin bid on Ebay. So, my daughter is wearing them now instead. I started a coat made of faux black fur. I think it'll be nice when I finish it.

Top News Story: O.J. Why didn't this asshole just shrivel up and DIE and dissappear off the face of the earth ten years ago? O.J. wrote a book tentatively titled "If I Did It". IF I did it. How 'bout WHY I DID IT? That's a book I'd read. To me, that would be a book that would be more credible. IF I did it... Sheesh WHAT A FUCKIN DIRTBAG! Supposedly, the Fox News Network, (which by the way, I have never been able to stomach for more than five minutes at a time, I only watch it if some stupid moron at work has it turned on in the break room) had planned a televised special with an exclusive interview with O.J. to tout the release of this book. They were immediately hit with a wave of criticism from just about everybody and ultimately pulled the plug on the interview and the book. Oh damn. I don't get to read "If I Did It". Boo Fuckin Hoo! But Bill Maher cracked me up last week when he raised his hand and said "I'll watch it!" Which if I think about it, I might have too, but only because I HATE FUCKIN O.J. SIMPSON AND WOULD WANT TO SEE HIM LOOK LIKE THE STUPID FUCKIN DIRTBAG ASSHOLE MORON HE TRULY IS! It's a universal need isn't it? To feel a proud wave of self-righteousness wash over you. Watching an O.J. interview about a book entitled If I Did It would fulfill that need for millions of people quite nicely.

So, today is Thanksgiving. Oh sure, I'm thankful for lots of shit. The obvious things like my family (yawn... hee hee hee) and that I have a job (double yawn), but how bout I mention a trivial little inconsequential thing, too before I go? Like, I'm thankful for my Ipod. It is my favorite material possession. When I have a day off and I'm drinking, I listen to some great tunes and I don't think about any depressing shit for about an hour. Yes, I said it. Chuck Klosterman gave me permission to be honest about this. So next Wednesday when I pour the wine, before I take the first sip, I'll dial in a kick ass metal tune from the 80's on the Ipod, and give a silent toast to Chuck.

Ridges Financial Services LTD. Is This For Here Or To Go?

This weekend my boyfriend got a rather dubious letter in the mail that contained a very real looking cashier check made out for almost 4000 dollars. The letter told him that he won the "All-State Lottery". For something like 275,000 dollars. All he had to do was deposit that money in his bank and then on Monday, using his routing number, they'd take 3 grand out for taxes and fees. We did a little investigating. The bank address and bank name don't add up. It says the check came from a Southtrust Bank in Florida. There are no banks by that name in Florida. They're all on the Gulf Coast of Mississippi. Which means they are probably gone now. Also, and here's the funny part, the address for a Ridges Financial Services LTD that is supposedly the company that is handling the "lottery winnings", came back as an address for a Sonic Drive In in Florida. The return address on the front of the envelope is for Halifax, Nova Scotia and that street doesn't exsist.

This is a scam. What they want is to clean your bank account out. Plain and Simple. I'm writing about this because I am really mad! Thousands of poor doofusses are gonna fall for this. And many of them already have, judging from all the info I have culled from the trusty internet.

We did have a laugh tho. I said that my ex-husband would have cashed the fucker, knowing that it's a scam and not gave a shit if he was suddenly responsible for passing a bogus check. It's a crack addict's dream. 4 grand in cash all in a matter of minutes! That would last for a least a week!

So, if anybody, like the two or three people who might come across this post (hell, it's probably not even two or three, but it is my civic duty to report this) don't fall for this stupid shit. Don't be a moron. Take the letter and "check" to the post office because this is mail fraud. And most importantly, tell everyone you know so this doesn't happen to them.

Can I Be Her When I Grow Up?

I've seen a couple of sites this morning where they chastise Ms. Longoria for going out in public in such an outfit as this, but I think it's FAB.U.LOUS. It makes me want to find a vintage pattern and make one just like it. I think it's very hot. I want to be this woman.

I don't know where I'd actually WEAR such a getup, except to a Halloween party, but I don't care. I love it. Even if I was born a few years after 1963.

Nancy Pelossi, Rock On Mama!

Right now, I'm watching a live news conference with the new Speaker Of The House Nancy Pelossi. She is the first ever woman Speaker. Here's my opinion (for what that's worth!): She's a mom of five kids. FIVE. KIDS. If ANYBODY can get something done, and can know in an absolute instant what the first priority of the day is, it's a MOM OF FIVE KIDS! Motherhood above all else teaches you these things.

I am supremely confident in this woman.

Oh and I also must comment on my accurate prediction that the Democrats would just SMOKE EM ALL. I was so right. I remember in 1992 when Clinton was elected. I was just a mere 22 years old(!) and full of hope and optimism for the future of this nation. Today, I got a little of that back. Just a little.

A little.

Revenge Of The Katrina

Well, I actually DID get a child support check FINALLY. I thought it was a little light, and I asked Todd why it was and he said "No, that's not what you're getting a month, it's what you're getting a week."(!) So that got me all excited, but here it is, a week and a half later and I haven't got another check... So I don't know what's really up. But ONE check is better than NO check.

I gotta tell you. Nothing makes a person officially hate Christmas than working retail! Work is SUCKING right now. I have more to do in my new position in the store, than I did the last two Christmases. It's like BAM! Halloween got over and the next day Christmas showed up. I want it to be over!

Best Movie I Saw: Revenge Of The Nerds. This gem of a film came out in 1984, and I forgot how stupid and funny and sweet it was. It's a classic story line, moronic jocks (hell, even one of the main jock characters is named "Ogre") vs. the good guy, dweebie dorks. The good guys win in the end. Of course. But I couldn't help thinking that during an early scene in the frat house, you know the one where the Alpha Betas fill a swimming pool with beer and dive into it? That in real life, nobody is stupid enough to waste beer like that. Not even them. We also watched a great little "low budget" flick called Behind Closed Doors. Yep. You got it. It's a porno. And it was GREAT! Well, great for a porno anyway. You can tell it was really geared towards women. The men seemed to really focus on pleasing the woman. The scenes were even romantic, and not focused on gagging and drooling over a fat cock for ten minutes. Let's just say it did it's job. Which is to turn us on (well, I know I was, how much he was, I don't know and I frankly don't care!).

Best Song I Heard: WE WENT TO SEE GODSMACK LAST NITE!!!!!!!! It was FAN TAS TICK! I knew it would be good but I wasn't expecting greatness and I was blown away. I was shocked and delighted by the level of talent in that band. I truly had a fabulous time. The personal hightlight for me: Shine Down. It's on their new album apparently and I had not heard it before. But here's a sample of the lyrics:


But I still believe in immortal love
And I know there's someone that's up above
Show me a path to find my way
And give me a reason pray

Shine down, don't take it away from me, no
And I know you know how, yeah
Shine down, just give me a chance to feel it
It's taken forever to get me off the ground

See? pretty cool huh?

Book I'm Reading: Well, I'm supposed to be reading Cesar's Way by Cesar Millian but it hasn't arrived yet. It was ordered on Ebay. It's a last ditch attempt to fix my wayward dog. Wayward, yes, but very sweet and lovable too. It's the new dog. The stray one the kids brought home. If I can't get her to change her wicked little doggy ways, we might have to take her to the pound. It's the destruction of property that's the worst thing and don't get me started on the sorry state of my dog piss stained carpet! So, I'll just have to settle for the new issue of Vanity Fair, with a half naked Brad Pitt on the cover.

Current Sewing Project: I have a pair of pajama pants that are really ugly and all I have left to do is hem the bottom. My plan is to try to sell them on Ebay. If Ugly Betty is such a hit show, then why can't I start a trend of wearing really ugly clothes? I think that these pants are the perfect accessory to a pair of dirty scuffed yellow Crocs.

Top News Story: It's the Election, stupid! Should I vote today? Yeah. I should. but technically I shouldn't because even tho I'm registered, I haven't told them my new address. Never mind that I've lived here for almost three years. I still have my old address on my driver's license. For the last Presidential election, I walked into the polling place for my old address and voted there. My mother said SHAME ON YOU! Whatever. John Kerry didn't win anyway! I think that the Dems are gonna sweep the nation this time. The nation as a majority was a MORON for electing a DUMBASS. TWICE. You can't tell me that we are gonna be that stupid again. I know that the polarizing issue for this country is Iraq, but I think that the second most important thing that will have swung this nation into reality is Katrina. All that support from those Southern Red-Staters is not so much there anymore. Those fuckers are PISSED. Even if you don't live in Mississippi or Lousiana (or Alabama), what happened there is a little too close to home. If a Major Natural Disaster Of That Magnitude occurred in say Iowa (which is my neighboring state) I'd feel their pain, and vote accordingly. And if you are a Republican congressional candidate who is stupid enough to say you stand by Bush all the way, you can kiss your seat goodbye!

I'm so torn. In the next Presidential primary, if I had to choose between Barack Obama or Hilary Clinton, I don't know who I'd pick. I might just say Hilary because I want to see a woman president during my lifetime. But I'd love to see a black person be president in my lifetime too. Personality wise I like Barack better. But I love Bill Clinton, even if he is a total man-whore! And what a refreshing change to see a man relegated to First Lady duties for a change. How cool would that be? A man in charge of Just Say No and D.A.R.E. and R.I.F.! A man who is expected to do the re-decorating in the White House, a man who is to personally supervise the Christmas decorations, and the official photos of the white house dog! Jeez! I just don't know! Decisions, decisions...

Sigh... At least I've got two years to make up my mind. And a whole hell of a lot of shit can happen in that span of time you know!

The Dirtbag Of The Month

I was THIS close to nominating The Rev. Ted Haggard as my November Dirtbag of The Month. He is president of National Association of Evangelicals. I should say he WAS. He had to resign because he was accused by a male prostitute of having paid for sex with him for the last few years.The National Association of Evangelicals are a 30 million strong organization of bible beaters that oppose gay marriage (among other things). These people had A LOT to do with personally electing the most moronic president I've seen in my lifetime. Twice. The good Rev. Ted is more of a pathetic little weasel than a Dirtbag in my opinion. He led a secret double life. Thank God he knows how to get Jesus to forgive him. Jesus just can't get him his old job back, that's all.

No, my Dirtbag Of The Month is a prince of a gentleman by the name of Jeffrey Marsalis. He is accused of meeting women on Match.com, taking them out to bars and drugging their drinks, so he can later sexually assault them. There is the legal question about whether it was rape or whether it was consensual, because one victim says she was so fucked up she COULDN'T say no. Ok. Fine. Let the laywers split the hairs there in court. But I'm gonna say it here: If you feel the need to drug a woman's drink when you are out on a date with her so you can pretty much guarantee that you get to fuck her later, YOU'RE A DIRTBAG. Whatever happened to going out on that date, and then by using your charm and wit, plus a little alcohol and a great meal, to get her into bed later? Even overweight, kinda ugly, older and balding men can do that with much success (don't ask me how I know that, Ok?).

He's not that bad looking. He didn't have to go thru all that drink drugging to get chicks I bet. That's Ok. He got what he deserved. He's one of the lead stories on abcnews.com today, and hopefully millions of women who are online daters saw this picture, especially those in the Philadelphia area!