Imagine An Interaction With This Chick

AH-YEEEEEEEEEK! If you saw this woman out somewhere, how could you not stare un-blinkingly? At least if you saw Pamela Anderson you could make it a point to make continous eye contact with her in order to avoid staring at her freakish boobs, because that's the most polite thing to do. But if you had to have an interaction with this chick, you most certainly would heave a huge sigh of relief when it was over. Imagine trying to pretend that everything's normal when she's standing in front of you? MY GAWD!

P.S. Her hair looks nice.

Dirtbag Of The Month

This guy is a real asshole. His name is Brandon Davis and he is a rich spoiled brat most famous for dating Mischa Barton and hanging out in clubs with Paris Hilton. And why do I name him my Dirtbag For The Month Of September? A couple of reasons. One, is that he has publicly hated on Lindsay Lohan. Ok, so who hasn't these days? But to say things like her "Firecrotch" stinks or whatever the hell he said a while back is uncalled for. Then he tells the media that Paris recorded a song by the same name, but when asked if it could be heard, he says "No Comment". Bullshitting Liar! How retarded is that? The term "Firecrotch" is kinda funny when you think about it, but now because she is so famous, everybody is gonna call her that, and what girl wants a nickname like that? Who knows, she might really be a bitch in real life, but nobody deserves that. Lindsay Lohan and all her reported antics of late night partying and drug use reminds me of myself when I was that age. It's what kids that age just DO. I did all kinds of things I shouldn't have, just like she's doing now, and then I had to stop. I got married, I got pregnant and I had to grow up. I think she'll eventually do the same too.

But anyway, back to Brandon Davis. Second, after all this "Firecrotch" brouhaha, he goes to rehab. But days later after his release, he's back in the clubs every nite with Paris Hilton making an ass of himself. So all that rehab bullshit was just that. I'm sure he went to some pricey posh place, on his parents nickel, which probably cost more than my house is worth, and oh well, Daddy can afford it, so let's just piss it all away. I'm not naive enough to think that rehab cures everybody, and almost every addict has a story about walking out of there and heading straight for the nearest crackhouse, but it makes me mad that when you are born with that much priveledge your life is an irresponsible waste. At least Lindsay Lohan works hard for a living, even tho she herself is being accused of being irresponsible. She can fix that. Brandon can too. He can stop drinking and stop making a complete ASS of himself. And for this, he is my DIRTBAG OF THE MONTH!

P.S. You gotta wonder why he hates her so much. Maybe he tried to get into her "Firecrotch" and was DEEEEE NIIIIIIIIED.

My Anti-Hero!

He looks OLD AS SHIT, and he IS old as shit, but this man is still my hero!

My Fingers Are Crossed!

Last week I did indeed get a call (and I almost fell over from the shock) from my ex-husband telling me that he signed himself up to have money deducted from his paycheck for child support. Well, actually, I doubt that he himself took that initiative, as the mighty state of Illinois has finally tracked him down, but whatever. So everyday, I approach my mailbox with hope and anitcipation that I will find a check for 500 dollars in there, however if I actually do receive this way overdue bounty, I will not only fall over from the shock, I will probably faint dead away! And then I'll buy my kids some much needed new school clothes and the nicest backpacks in the store, because I promised them they would get new backpacks this year, but at this rate, in my current financial situation, I can't afford it. My fingers are crossed...

Well, it seems another young man is having a personal crisis at work, this one has not gotten as specific as the last one (remember a few posts back when I talked about a guy who has complained to me about how he and his girlfriend don't have sex anymore?) so, I'll have to talk to him some more. But I had to take over his job for him today so he could leave. He mumbled something about how he forgot to pay a bill and something got turned off and his girfriend called the store and and yelled at him. Oh if I had a nickel for every time I went thru a crisis like that! Every stinkin week, shit like this goes down in my life, and I somehow manage to work all day every day! AND TAKE CARE OF BUSINESS! I'm not gonna pre-judge this kid, he didn't give me all the details, and I think he's a nice guy, and I'll get all the juicy dirty details tommorrow!

Best Movie I Saw This Week: I really didn't see anything outstanding this week but nothing really crappy either. I saw Laurel Canyon, (Alessandro Nivaro is hot hot hot, not only in this movie as Ian the British Rock Star romancing a much older Frances McDormand, but he was George in Junebug which WAS a great movie) I watched Man Of The House starring a gruff Tommy Lee Jones as a Texas Ranger assigned to watch over a group of cheerleaders. I only watched this movie the other nite because it's one I bought last year for my oldest son to watch at the Nursing Home. I got this for him because I thought he would love a movie full of pretty young girls. It is, and the movie itself isn't bad, it's just not that great. Fun With Dick And Jane was actually better than I expected. Jim Carrey and Tea Leoni are a good comedic pair, and thank God I just read that Enron book so I could figure out what happened to Jim Carrey's character when he lost his job and had to resort to robbing banks to make ends meet. I did see part of Charlie and The Chocolate Factory but not all of it, so I can't comment officially just yet, however I'll bet this one is the BEST movie on this list.

Book I'm Reading This Week: I'm not! I'm too broke to buy a new one! But I did read Vanity Fair of course...

Best Song I Heard: Well, believe it or not, I got a nice little spirit boost today when I was in the back room printing out signs Natasha Bedingfield's "Unwritten" was on the radio and hearing these words made me feel good:

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Top News Story: Some Dirtbag has confessed to the Jonbenet Ramsey murder. There are some officials who actually believe he is lying and he didn't actually do it. Why would you confess to this kind of shit if you didn't do it? I know some folks crave attention but sheesh! Come On! He's an asshole either way in my opinion.

Now here is something that just warms my little heart. My daughter is starting to get into watching the E! channel, The Girls Next Door, Dr. 90210, etc, and is reading my issues of the National Enquirer. A girl after my own heart! She's obsessed with celebrity scandals just like I am, and I couldn't be more proud!

Hilarious!

THIS WAS ON PEREZHILTON.COM YESTERDAY AND IT'S HILARIOUS!

Who Would You Rather Do: Cameron or the Dog? YOU Decide!

Filed Under: Cameron Diaz > Justin Timberlake > YOU Decide!

cameron_diaz-1.jpg

Cameron Diaz and her bitch go for a stroll in Vegas, where her boyfriend was performing over the weekend. Would it kill her to smile? She gets to fuck Justin Timberlake, for fuck's sake!.
Permalink / Talk to Perez(115)

Because Her Boyfriend Just Found Her G-Spot!

I found this on a co-worker's MySpace page and I had to put it here! This is PRICELESS!

Learn To say Something Goofy And Smile Thru Your Tears

I just got back from vacation on Sunday nite. Branson was FABULOUS as usual. It's everything about the Midwest that I love. Hokey shit on every corner! And all against a beautiful landscape. First we went to Laura Ingalls Wilder's last home. I never really got into those books or the show even tho the show was a big hit when I was a kid. But it was still very interesting. Her husband Almanzo built their home and we got to see the desk she wrote all those books on. Then we went to Silver Dollar City. Oh sure, I love rollercoasters and scary rides (my voice is still hoarse from all the screaming) but the unexpected surprise was the Marvel Cave. This is huge. From top to bottom it's 50 stories. They take you all the way thru it and it takes an hour. Oh man, was it absolutely GLORIOUS! I have never seen anything like it. All those stalactites and stalamites that took millions of years to form, from the constant steady stream of running water. God sure does make some very precious and special things doesn't he? Then we went to Table Rock Lake for a picnic and swim, we even took one of my dogs with us. Oh! And I can't forget the restraunt we went to! It was called Lambert's (Home Of The Throwed Rolls). Huge heaping portions of southern soul food were served, and a guy goes thru the dining room every few minutes and throws rolls to your table. Awesome.

Speaking of restraunts, I got a letter from the Child Support people saying that they my ex-husband was working again and that I will receiving 500 dollars a month. I think he may be working at an Olive Garden or Red Lobster (thank you internet... when you get some listing for a company you've never heard of, you can look it up and bingo! This place they had on the form as his place of employment said it was the parent company of these two restraunt chains.) Now I've gotten these letters in the past and I haven't gotten a fucking dime because by the time they catch up with this bastard, he's quit, been fired, or simply went back to jail. The letter says he is currently 20,000 dollars behind. So, I know I shouldn't get my hopes up, but for some reason this time I have. I swear, if I don't get that money next month, he is definetly the Dirtbag Of The Month for September. I said it before and I'll say it again, he's the Dirtbag Of Our Lives. If I actually do get the money, I will faint from shock. Does he have any idea how much that would help us? I know that 500 dollars a month sounds like a lot, and the original agreed amount was 400 dollars which I thought was fair for three kids. He is so behind on the payments, he has to pay more to make up for it. But seriously how can a person not care to help out his own kids? My oldest son does not live with me anymore, but I call several times a week. I visit every other week, I bring him clothes and whatever else he might need from time to time. I miss him terribly and he's constantly in my thoughts. My own dad never called me, wrote, or paid child support either. And I guess that makes him the Grandaddy Dirtbag Of Our Lives.

Ok. I've got to stop talking about this because I'm starting to get upset. I've already drank a pint of something called Tequila Rose today and I don't need to start feeling like I need more. Don't worry, it's not that strong, it's only 15 percent alcohol, a little stronger than wine, and it was only a pint and I wasn't even that buzzed when I finished it.

Best movie I Saw This Week: Well, I was going to rave on about how much I liked Eight Below (and it was good, honest it was, you can't go wrong with an incredibly hot guy and a bunch of dogs) until I saw Junebug last nite. Oh what an enchantingly entertaining little film! You couldn't help but fall in love with the main character Ashley played by Amy Adams, who was nominated for an Oscar by the way. Here's why I loved her: In her crying scene, as she is lying in a hospital bed after she lost her baby, she goes thru this whole speech about why me, and all this stuff we did to get ready for the baby was all for nothing, and my husband can't handle stuff like this, and she's crying her eyes out, which I was too because if you're a mother how could you not? And then she says something goofy and funny thru her tears and smiles. When I had my own moment of why me, and all this stuff we did for the baby was all for nothing, and my husband can't handle stuff like this, after my first baby was born and I was told that he would never walk, talk, or be anything close to normal, I had to learn to say something goofy and funny and smile thru my own tears REAL QUICK. It is the ONLY thing that's kept me from falling into a pit of utter despair. Example: I can say something like, "Well, it could be worse, I could be working at Target... Oops! I forgot! I DO work at Target! HAH!"

Book I'm Reading This Week: I just picked up a book entitled Dead Ends by Michael Reynolds. Here's what it says in bold print on the cover: POISONED BY TWISTED OBSESSIONS AND MOUNTING RAGE, SHE WAS DRIVEN TO KILL AND KILL AGAIN. THE PURSUIT, CONVICTION, AND EXECUTION OF FEMALE SERIAL KILLER AILEEN WUORNOS, THE DAMSEL OF DEATH. Well, I think that just says it all doesn't it?

Best Song I Heard: Don't laugh, but the song is It's A Beautiful Life by Ace Of Base. The opening line is "You can do what you want just seize the day..." and that is what makes the song fabulous. It has a great classical sounding riff, overkilled background vocals and the best part is that it HAS A GOOD BEAT AND YOU CAN DANCE TO IT! Yeah I know, it's cheesy 90's dance pop, but it's cheesy 90's dance pop at it's best, right up there with What Is Love (Lady Don't Hurt Me).

Top News Story: Well, it's still all this Middle East crap, Lebanon and Isreal at war, but here's an interesting scandal that caught my attention this week: Floyd Landis. He won the Tour De France but his piss test came up dirty with too much testosterone and his title was stripped away. He is denying that he took any steroids but when they took a second test it was dirtier than the first one. How do you deny it? His only defense was like that classic Shaggy song "It Wasn't Me".

Well, I have tommorrow off and I plan to just loll around here in the peace and quiet (the kids are away at camp this week) and revel in the silence because that's what I crave the most. Is that weird that I prefer isolation? I mean, I think I'm very social and I love going out and doing things but what I really love is to read all day on my day off, no tv no phone, etc. I guess that's just me.